Occasionally I get a sales letter that is so bad I can only scratch my head. Here are extracts from two that inspired me to write this post, in the hopes that none of you will similarly ever waste your resources.

The first was accompanied by a slick (expensive) brochure:

Dear David

In the vast world of information technology sourcing / outsourcing, it can be difficult and perhaps overwhelming when trying to find the right solution for your client’s business, needs and cost structures. Which so many choices, how can you be sure which solution is the right fit for your client’s business.

The XXXXX approach is simple: By consulting with you and your staff in a partnership manner, we can better understand your client’s goals, workflow, technology and business needs to create a meaningful solution which will meet those needs now and into the future at a price-pint and service level which is remarkable.

Our experience spans many industries, business sizes and technology systems. We work closely with you and your client to build and implement a solution that will exceed expectations… [It only gets worse, so I won’t test your patience with any more…]

Why was this sent me? I’m not the CIO. Worse, I couldn’t figure out exactly the offer was, other than to get us to give them a bunch of information…

Here’s the second, from my cable company:

Dear David Harkleroad,

With the YYYYY Price Guarantee you lock in low prices for two full years on TV, Internet, and Phone. So you can sit back and enjoy two full years of everyone’s favorite TV shows. Two years of surfing and streaming online. And two years of hellos and miss-yous with all your favorite people.

Let it all in and get everything you want at prices you can count on, for two full years. Sign up for the YYYYY Price Guarantee today.

Sincerely

Your friends at YYYYY

Put aside the assumption that I actually have friends at YYYYY, they didn’t check that I actually renewed the service two months ago!

Both companies wasted resources: costs, time and, worst of all, my good will.

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